Afraid of Being Loved

My mother used to say, “jo jaisa hai, ya to usi me chala lo, ya fir mehnat kro aur us jagah se niklo.”
Definitely she used to say about life and etc etc but when I grew up, I took this advice seriously in terms of my relationships as well.

Yes, I have loved people and I have received love, but most of the time the love I received either decreased with the time or showed me the true colours in some sort of period.

But I never settled down, with jo jaisa hai usme chala lo, instead I moved on everytime. I stood up for what felt wrong.

Everytime I fall in love, the other person hurts me in some or other way and just when I am almost healed, they break me again. I cry, but not for the person, but for me who gets lost in this process.

I know, some people might say, its your fault that you fall in love, again and again. Maybe it is true.
But then, my heart is so pure that no matter how many times love fails in my life, I try to fall in love again. I try to love the other person more than the previous one. Can love happen twice? Believe me, it can.

But I have also realized, either the person is always so different before getting me that I cannot stop myself from saying, aww I need this. Or maybe I am too addicted to, sugar coated words that I fall for it, everytime.

Well whatever it is, deep within me I know that I am hurt and broken, and I search for love, maybe.
Maybe I am too insecure now to love myself. Or maybe I am a little too obsessed with getting validation from outside. But in both the case, I am the one who is wrong.

Every time somebody breaks my heart, I try making my heart a little more stronger. I try not to hate, love.

But now when I try sleeping at night, with a broken heart, wet pillow and some prateek kuhad’s song I realize that I am scared. Scared, not of falling in love again, instead I am scared to be loved again. Cause latter, just makes me so weak. And a happy ending of a love story is definitely a myth for me.


About The Author

Bhavika Joshi
@bhavikajoshi._
Bhavika joshi aka @silent_hug_by_words is a journalism student and a wanna be writer. A professional procrastinator with some creative skills. She is a certified social media addict.
And a person who observes everything around her, just for content. Also, if you ever need a hug in your solitude, her words are the answer.


3 thoughts on “Afraid of Being Loved”

  1. I feel the same… That process hurt so much…. When u can’t get love back when you love someone very deeply… ๐Ÿ˜’

    Reply

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